Why Friendships End: A Look at the Causes Behind Friendship Breakups?
Friendship breakups can be the result of many different things! Here are a few examples:
Change in interests
Growing apart with age
Someone moves away
Had a falling out
The friendship feels one-sided
Why are Friendship Breakups so Hurtful?
A friendship breakup can be just as hard as a romantic breakup or even harder. It can feel like you are losing a part of yourself, which creates that feeling of hurt. There are a multitude of reasons for this, and ultimately, this creates a big change. This change can evoke a lot of different emotions such as anger, confusion, and sadness.
Here are a few common reasons why they can be so hurtful:
Holding on to memories and having a hard time letting go of the past
Ended abruptly and/or lack of closure
Fear that you won’t be able to create a connection/new friend in the future
Questioning yourself and wondering if something could have been done differently
Feeling lonely and like others wouldn’t understand what you are feeling
Social media sharing updates of that person and reminding you of them
First Steps After a Friendship Breakup:
First off, give yourself permission to feel. It's okay to be upset, angry, or confused. Let those emotions flow and know that it's a normal part of the process.
Next, reach out for support. Share your feelings with someone you trust – a friend, family member, or even a therapist. Sometimes, talking it out can bring clarity and comfort.
Find healthy outlets for your emotions. Engage in activities that bring you joy, whether it's a hobby, exercise, or immersing yourself in a good book. Taking care of your well-being is crucial during this time.
Embrace the change. Recognize that people and relationships evolve. Focus on the lessons learned, cherish the positive memories, and understand that growth often comes from navigating the challenges life throws our way.
Give it time. Healing isn't an overnight process so be patient with yourself, and remember that as one door closes, new opportunities for connection and growth can emerge.
Coping with a Friendship Breakups and Tools to Help You:
Therapy and Counseling: Professionals are like the superheroes of the emotional world. A therapist can help you make sense of your feelings, navigate the tough stuff, and provide a roadmap to healing. At TCC, we offer free 15-minute consultations so you can see if therapy is a good fit for you and ask any questions you may have!
Connect and Chat with Someone You Trust: Remember, the dissolution of a friendship is something we all experience. Allow your friends and family to be there for and comfort you the same way you would during a breakup. Sometimes talking it out can provide an opportunity for reflection and help you move forward.
Take a Social Media Break: After a breakup you may be drawn to scrolling on social media and looking through old photos. This can make you feel worse, and by taking a break, you might be able to better process how you feel and start healing! This also allows you to prioritize doing the things you enjoy and your self-care.
Keep Busy: As hard as it might be, keeping busy helps take your mind off these things. Engage in hobbies or try something new. This could look like trying a new craft, reading a new book or trying a new exercise class.
External Resources: Dive into resources that resonate with your experience. There are plenty of books and podcasts exploring friendship, breakups, and personal growth. Sometimes, hearing others' stories can be incredibly comforting.
Journaling can be a useful tool for many to get their thoughts down on paper and process the situation. Taking time to jot it down allows for reflection and can provide a sense of closure!
Mindfulness and Self-Care: Engage in activities that bring you joy, practice mindfulness, and prioritize taking care of yourself. Looking after your well-being is a crucial part of the healing process.
Navigating Future Friendships
Remember, rediscovering yourself and values after a friendship breakup, and navigating this change, will help you learn and ultimately create more fulfilling friendships in the future. This is a challenging thing to go through; however, it doesn’t have to solely be a negative thing. It can allow you to prioritize your needs.
Here’s a few tips for navigating future friendships:
Be patient with yourself: there really is no rush, and if you need some time and space, it’s okay to take that. Showing yourself some grace can go a long way.
Openly communicate: ensure you are communicating with friends about how you are feeling, what your boundaries might look like, and checking-in with them. This helps you work through any conflicts, avoid miscommunications, shows you care, and helps establish trust in your friendship.
Put yourself out there: after taking some time, put yourself in situations where you are more likely to meet people. This might be the push you need and could be things like social events or volunteering. It is a good way to connect with others who have similar interests!
Set aside the time: in creating new friendships, be intentional and make time for them. This effort helps maintain a connection and creates a strong foundation to build upon.
Conclusion:
Remember, healing is a journey, not a race. By embracing your emotions, reaching out for support, and giving yourself time to process, you'll come out on the other side stronger, wiser, and with a deeper understanding of yourself, your values, and what you look for in friendships.
While there are many different supports, therapy can be a good tool in learning to navigate changes in your life. Click here to get started with TCC’s therapist matching tool!
Resources:
Barkley, S. (2023, March 8). Friendship breakup: 9 Ways To Move On. Psych Central. https://psychcentral.com/health/surviving-a-friendship-break-up#next-steps
(2023, December 2). Dealing with a friendship breakup. Foundry. https://foundrybc.ca/stories/dealing-with-a-friendship-breakup/
Belvin, J. (2021, September 9). Navigating friendships in adulthood. Therapy for Black Girls. https://therapyforblackgirls.com/2021/09/09/navigating-friendships-in-adulthood/
Zarrabi, R. (2024, April 25). 6 reasons friendship breakups are so hard. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/mindful-dating/202311/6-reasons-friendship-breakups-are-so-hard
